In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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