Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
