it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
