dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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