i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
