looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
