Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
