just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
