My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
