Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
