I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
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