Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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