Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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