i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
