i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
