my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
