it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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