dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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