I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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