if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
