His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
