I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
