Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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