From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
