my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
