This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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