every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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