He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
