my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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