dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
