We named our party play list daddy issues
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
