I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
