Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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