I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
