I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
