Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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