did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
