The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
