Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
