Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
