I wannas sexs uuuuu
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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