My hand turned me down
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
