I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
