my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
