i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
