you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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