The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
