I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
