the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
