what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Pants are for mortals
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
