Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
