my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Two words: nipple clamps
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