one word: firstdatebathroomanal
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
