You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sex in the backyard? Check.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
